What’s Been Going On

I haven’t written anything in more than a month and I figured since I’m paying for this blog I should throw a little something down for my… three, maybe four, readers?

Anyway… I reread the last thing I posted on here and realized that it was pretty dark and depressing, which honestly life can be sometimes, and it’s probably good I have somewhere to talk about it even if it just goes out into the internets to sit and collect the digital equivalent of dust.

Life can also be filled with undue drama when people jump to conclusions and start reacting before fully understanding what’s going on.

To explain; my last post was about my father finding out that he has lung cancer, him calling me to make sure I’d be willing to take care of his wife and adopted son when he passed, and then when I said that yes, I would do I all I could, he decided that he was going to take himself out Leaving Las Vegas style but with a South Carolina lowcountry flair (copious amounts of Budweiser, moonshine, and painkillers if you’re wondering), and my emotional reaction to all of this.

Yup, that’s a good summary of my last post.

Come to find out later that the cancer isn’t as bad as my father and his wife interpreted from the diagnosis they got in writing which caused them both to go off the goddamned rails and attempt to take me with them. Luckily they talked to another doctor, who I assumed explained to them slowly and in small words what was really going on, and my old man decided to get his shit back together and is no longer trying to party himself to the grave.

So there was that.

In other news – my wife, my kids, and I had a very nice, drama free, Christmas break. I took up oil painting, my wife has started making her own clothes thanks to her new sewing machine, and the kids are currently down with a stomach bug but doing fine otherwise.

And that’s that.

Hopefully things will stay this boring for awhile.




Going Crazy One Noise At A Time

At my core I’m a laid-back individual. I enjoy long periods of stillness punctuated by silence. I savor the serene. I crave the calm. I take comfort in tranquillity and prize the placid. What I’m trying to say is I don’t like a whole bunch of fucking noise and chaos around me.

And yet I thought having children would be a good idea.

For the most part I’ve learned to deal with constant cacophony (dude, I’m killing the alliteration today!) of everyday life. I’ve learned to tune out the usual whines, screams, and the most annoying and lied about of sounds, the laughter. (I swear I’m not a psycho and hate the laughter of all children. It’s just my two oldest have the absolute worst laughs. They literally go hur hur hur in an overly affected way that makes me want to stab myself in the eardrum with an ice pick just so I don’t have to hear it again.) But it’s been raining for the last week which means that my kids have been getting no outside time causing a buildup of excess energy that seems to be fueling their most obnoxious traits. Seriously, it’s like the worst parts of their personalities are drunk, coked up, and got told that reasonable behavior was talking mad shit about them.

For example my six-year-old filled the few brief moments yesterday afternoon that he wasn’t talking with screams, guttural howls, and loud nonsensical sounds. For a little while I wondered if maybe he was in a Speed-like situation where someone planted a bomb on him and if he didn’t make constant noise it would explode. That obviously wasn’t the case, I mean he did fall asleep and not blowup – no matter how much I wanted him to. My middle child has become a being of pure snark and sarcasm. I’m pretty sure David Spade is his Patronus and Anthony Bourdain his spirit animal. And my oldest… well actually he’s been pretty cool these last few days. He also likes quiet and calm. And, just like his old man, has very little patience for the two youngest members of the family. Though unlike his father who will just leave the room and go and hide somewhere, he deals with it by screaming at them, so maybe he hasn’t been that cool. It just seems that way by comparison.

Anyway, my life has been nothing but a complete lack of chill and quiet, and I’m running out of places to hide from the children. I’m beginning to think seriously about hiding in that big bottle of bourbon I keep stashed away but that doesn’t seem like a healthy solution to the problem.

The rain should stop this afternoon though, and the sun will shine tomorrow, so if I can survive the rest of today so should the kids.

If not, y’all’ll see me in the news.

Wish us all luck.